There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
