Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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