I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
