Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
