I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
