Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
nutella sex= disaster
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize