I wanna passion pit in your ass
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
