If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
