it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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