you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
