peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
