I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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