Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
