im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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