On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
