is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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