Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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