and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
