i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize