Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
