dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
