Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm so fucking centered right now
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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