Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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