If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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