I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
