actually, I'm a sock model
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize