I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
