are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
