is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
