And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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