my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
