make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
