where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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