Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
