He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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