is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize