Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
