I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
