Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
