i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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