I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
