We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
