make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
