you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize