sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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