...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
