No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
