people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
