I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
