Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
