There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
