Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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