does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
