help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
