Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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