i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
