I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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