the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
