her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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