i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
