I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
