I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
