Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
