what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
