So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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