Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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