The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
