If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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