We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
