I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
