sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
