need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
