I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize