turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You are the jesus of drinking
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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