plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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